The Long Winding Road...

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

- Alice in Wonderland

I don’t know where I’m going; I don’t even want to know at this time. All I see is a long winding road and I walk to somewhere, somewhere unknown.

A long path this is, with a few twists and some turns. I know I’m going to have to find my way.

The thought of a mysterious destination excites me on a bright sunny day, the long journey to get there may exhaust me but I don’t care.

I stop and think several times if I really want to make this trip. My bright sunny day has seen clouds on this trip. Is what lies at the end of this never-ending quest worth it all? Is there indeed any light at the end of this tunnel or will darkness cover all?

The surprise element keeps me engaged, I cannot wait to discover, confused by some of the signs, thrown off -course several times, I walk undeterred on my path, I have the will to find.

My hair sways with the wind, I face the sky. Evening brings on its calm, the wind around me settles down. My mind is now working faster than my feet. The element of surprise is intimidating, all exclamations are questions. The result is all that matters, calculations overpower determination.

Motivation is lost somewhere as self doubt makes its debut, insecurity is now a state of mind and confidence is just a faint memory. The beautiful long winding road is now an uphill climb, who cares about what lies at the end, as long as there is an end in sight.

I don’t want no mystery, no surprises, no challenge; all I want is to know for sure that there is something for me at the end. All I see is pitch black, I need some help, a map, a navigator, just want to know where to go, when to stop.

I finally make it to the end, or so I think. It is pleasant and comforting, just what I want. I think, I know it is. It has to be. But is it? What else could it be now? My tired imagination can walk no more but my heart refuses to agree.

I muster up all that I have left and start again, my mind wanders, wonders if my imagination is indeed a true friend. I have been betrayed, betrayed by my own, how could my friend let me believe this is it, when he knows I could have done so much more…

The sun creeps up on the darkness, each step forward is like a new ray. Two way signs stare me in the face. The end might be close or it may take another night, all I know is, someday, I’ll find the right map.